This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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