i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
