you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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