New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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