HIV tests are more positive than that guy
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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