He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
