Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
my liver is dry heaving
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
