I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
