the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There r osticjed everywhere
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
