I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
