Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
