I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
