There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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