a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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