I want to stick my p in your. b.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I need to stop coming to work sober
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
