OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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