Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
