i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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