This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
