I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
