I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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