My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
