dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
