I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
