everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
