There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
