I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
