Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
