dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
