Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
