but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Randomize
