are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
