: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
