Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I need to stop coming to work sober
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
