Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
