small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
