2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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