Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She said her name was "party"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
