Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
