O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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