You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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