we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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