When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
