haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
