idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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