Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
