So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
