At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
