I'm gonna have a badass scar
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
