I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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