i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
