I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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