You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
