When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
