So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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